SIEZED WITH SEIZURES

Fearful - because i didn't know what lay ahead

Hepless - because i had lost control over my situaation and could'nt see anyway of ragining it

Hopeless - because the future looked pretty break and i could not seea ny light on the horizon 

As my seizures became true element of my self at my 30’s , I felt the growth of art, spirituality , and emotions within my own life. This work provides an excellent explanation of the same and allows me to see how my brain , as my own does define the new path of life which in now take . Thanks ! GOD ’s gift personified !!  In a matter of few weeks , my life took a turn I could never have predicted and was turned upside down. To me routine was everything . I guess getting into routine makesa busy life easier to juggle . The only way I can describe it is to say that an immense wave of fear swept through my body. 

Epilepsy is a common serious neurological disorder caused by abnormalities in the electrical activity of the brain. When compared with general  population , people with epilepsy are likely to have poor self esteem and high level of anxiety and depression . Social stigma and discrimination of people with epilepsy occur in both developed and developing countries. Epilepsy often begins at a young age and affects young people in their most productive years of their lives and can affect their social and cognitive development . 

I have made many mistakes in my life , but not talking to people about how I felt and how I was coping , or rather not coping during this time was one big mistake .I felt that if I could hide my real feelings about it all from my family and friends , they wouldn’t see how much I was hurting , how scared I was  , how much I had lost control of my life. My own expriences had left me scared and confused and although I had wonderful friends and family , I felt so alone without anyone to answer my questions. When they started testing me , I remember myself lying on MRI scanner where I was trying to keep myself still. “ Don’t cry ," I told myself where I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks . What if there was something in my brain causing this ? What if there was nothing ? What if there was something wrong with my brain ? I tried to deal with life as best as I could , but think I was just going through the motions . I put on a mask , a brave face , so that nobody could see what was going   inside me .

There were many occassions where and when I felt lonely ,embarrassed and even fear. It took time to adjust and to accept the truth . But eventually , what I learnt is , if we want to achieve any dreams , we need to accept our illness . We have to come to terms with your limitations and learn how to accommodate them developing new skills and ways to help to cope up with our illness. Grief is normal when a patient is diagnosed .

An attitude of hopelessness and feelings of social and personal inferiority often constitute a more serious handicap to a person with epilepsy than do the seizures themselves . Seizures isolate a person from stimulating contacts. As social outlets close , activities become contracted , intersts narrow , and a state of inertia combined with despondency and hoplessness , develops and may closely stimulate mental deterioration. 

When I was first told I had epilepsy , I felt like everything was slipping away , any control I’d had , had been taken away from me. I felt as if I had lost the person I once was , lost my real self. . It is important to remember that epilepsy is part of me , it’s not who you are. From there I started learning about my illness , is there anything to minimise its impact ;I changed my diet , started daily exercises .We have to look at ways to help you gain control over our life . It does’nt mean that illness does not control us . I have seen many people just accepting their illness and not bieng willing to do anything for themselves. They almost become thier illness and let it control their whole lives . 

We need to learn to calm the mind and learn patience  : not everthing we want is going to come to us right this second. Things do take time, so take time out and relax . We cant control what happens in life so there is no reason for us to get so stressed about it. But, still it's your life . How you live it is up to you. You are who you are; you are not what your illness says you are.